It’s okay, you don’t have to do everything perfect.
I’m sure you’ve heard that your whole life if you’ve found yourself looking at this article. And hearing those words might make you cringe or get really angry. And in theory that might sound so easy and obtainable, however, in reality it’s really hard to do.
Maybe you can remember times when you were a child that you needed your hair to be perfectly slicked back before you went to school and if one piece was even slightly out of place you felt like your whole life was going to crumble down. Or maybe you were too nervous to turn an assignment in because you felt like it could “always be better”. Or it could be that you didn’t want to give your report card to your parents because even if you had all A’s and one B, you would be told, “there are still improvements to be made”.
You can be someone that felt like you didn’t deal with perfectionist issues until you were older but now you find yourself being held back from enjoying your life because you feel trapped and controlled by having to make everything ideal and nothing feels “enough” until it is the best, and even then it still feels wrong.
I am here to say, you’re not alone, SO many people struggle with this exact concept, and it might feel like perfection is the standard for everything. This has only increased over the years, with things like social media, photo filters, increased need for productivity and the list goes on.
You might feel like people who are “perfect” are rewarded more in life and from the outside that might seem true but usually, it comes with a cost. Usually because we compare our worst with what people present as their “best”, so it makes us feels like our efforts are never enough. If you struggle with needing things to feel perfect, you might feel like no matter how perfect it feels it never feels that need and you never feel happy.
And even if what you finally do is at your standard it still won’t feel “enough”. At some point you have to take a break, take a breath, and say “it’s enough, I’m enough” and let it go.
I Think I Am A Perfectionist: Things that can help:
- My challenge for you this week is to FIRST notice when you start feeling that need to “make it better” or that feeling that “it’s so close but it’s not good enough yet”. Notice where you feel that need in your body to make it perfect, for example, do you feel it in your head, your chest, your stomach, your hands. Does your head feel like it’s going to spin off your head if you don’t make the bed exactly perfect, so you give in, spending longer on the bed than you normally do to give in to the feeling in your head? Or if you’re completing a work assignment and you feel the pit of your stomach feeling achy as you feel yourself saying, “it’s never right”. Once you have that feeling located thank your head, or your stomach or whatever part you feel it in and thank it for trying to make you feel better but tell it that you’re okay and you don’t need that part to control you today. In sort, give yourself, those parts you hate, compassion for showing up and TRYING to protect you. LAST notice what it feels like to not give it, and to let something be imperfect. At first it might feel horrible, or it might feel freeing. Let whatever feelings arise, be there.
- Give yourself permission to make a mistake and to not be perfect. We are humans (at least I’m assuming you’re human if you’re reading this), which means we are not meant to do everything perfectly all the time. If everything was always perfect, honestly life would be boring!
- Make mistakes, laugh at yourself, tell your friends about your mistakes and imperfections, let them tell you about their imperfections, and let’s get to being more humans and less like robots!
- Try a new hobby that you’re not good at, maybe yoga, drawing, running, anything! And let yourself struggle and don’t feel like, “I won’t feel good about this until I do it perfect”. Basically, practicing sucking at something and learning to be okay with that.
Again, I know this is all easier said than done. And like anything else in life, trying to be less of a perfectionist doesn’t have to be done perfectly. If you notice some days you go back to your old traits and behaviors, that is fine! Just challenge yourself the next day to allow yourself to make a mistake! I believe in you. 🙂
If you struggle with anxiety around perfectionism please read here. Or if you’re a teen or you have a teen struggling with their mental health reach out here.
**Disclaimer: this article does not substitute for therapy. Please reach out to me here if you live in Texas and would like to make an appointment.